Predictions for 2005

As promised, I have gazed into my crystal ball and lo and behold!, the following came flowing out. In past years I have hit the 100% mark. Be ready to be awed:

1. In a surprise, W will win the Iraqi election in January. His name will be written in on a majority of counted ballots. He will accept the position but will change the title from "president" to "Grand Poobah of Iraq". "I always liked that title", he will announce. The Iraqis constitution will be hastily re-written to allow for W's election.
2. In April 2005, W and Cheney will appear before the U.N. General Assembly and announce that WMDes have been discovered in Iran. It will be said that the CIA has discovered that Iranian scientists were the creators of "mad cow disease" and the Iranian government has vowed to drive the infidels like McDonald's and Burger King into the abyss. The U.N. will be urged to take military action against Iran in the name of the Whopper, Big Mac and the cattle industry. Instead of military actions, the U.N. sets up economic trade blockades.
3. Despite reports that the infamous bulge in W's jacket during the debates was either a microphone/audio system or a pacemaker/defibrallator, the truth of the object will emerge in May 2005. It will be announced, to a shocked world, that the bulge was in fact a bomb that was defused. Samuel Jones, a White House tailor, will be arrested immediately and declared an Al Quaeda operative. When asked about the bomb, the Secret Service will say that the device had a unique voice recognition trigger. The bomb would have detonated with the words "I will bring the troops home immediately".
4. W's nephew, George P. Bush will be divorced in May 2005. Immediately Condi Rice and George P. will announce their engagement. Condi will be heard to say, "I love W so much but I know we can never be a true couple. Oh well, I can't have W but I can have P. I just can't wait for Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family. "
5. The Iraq conflict will continue to escalate even under Grand Poobah W's reign, at least through September. At that time a bright, wobbling star will be seen in the sky. Insurgents will see this star as a sign from the heavens and immediately cease aggressions.
6. In November that "bright, wobbling star" will begin falling to Earth. It will turn out to be a FOX News satellite. It will plummet to Earth and crash into Tehran killing all Iranian leaders who were attending an emergency meeting called by Chalabi. Immediately after the crash, a new government will emerge and look to W for guidance and direction. (A coincidence?)

I know these may sound far-fetched and outlandish. But remember my track record rating is 100%